Deterioration
by supercellchaser
Summary: Sam is sick after the events of Lucifer's release and Dean is too distant to notice.


Dean didn't notice anymore. He didn't notice anything but himself anymore. Sam wasn't angry though, he deserved it.

He's basically destroyed the Earth so it was perfectly understandable for Dean to treat him this way. That didn't mean he didn't miss his brother though.

Dean had shut down after Sam released Lucifer. He barely said a word to Sam anymore, didn't even look at him anymore. When he did look at him, his eyes were blank, lifeless. Almost identical to the way they looked after their father had died. Sam knew he had basically died in Dean's eyes. After what Sam had done, he wasn't the same Sam Winchester anymore and if he wasn't the same Sam, he was essentially dead.

Castiel was surprisingly paying more attention to Sam then Dean was. It confused Sam because not too long before, Castiel had barely spoken to Sam, preferring to discuss matters with Dean.

Sam was hesitant to admit to himself that he liked it. He enjoyed the more time Castiel spent with him, liked the more Castiel noticed.

Castiel was the one to notice now and Sam was grateful for it but that did not mean that he did not miss Dean.

Sam also would not admit that he missed Castiel when the angel was not around.

Sitting scrunched up in the front seat of the Impala, Sam spared a quick glance at his silent brother. Dean hadn't said one word to him during the nearly five hours they had been on the road and the conversation that Sam attempted to make was only responded to by low grunts.

Holding back a sigh, Sam turned himself towards the window, unconsciously rubbing his hand up and down his arm to ward off a sudden chill.

Dean's silence was tearing Sam apart and Sam didn't see the silence ending anytime soon.

Another chill racked Sam's body and he began to wonder if he was catching something. He had felt a bit off for the past few days.

Curling up against the window, Sam pressed his sweaty forehead against the glass and tried to get some much needed sleep.

* * *

Dean's eyes focused unblinkingly on the never-ending road ahead of him. It was his therapy, his self-prescribed medication to keep himself sane as the trials of the past couple months poured down on him.

The road had always been Dean's therapy. It was always there to give him a purpose, a job. After their father had died, Dean wanted nothing more than to get back to his sanity, back to the road that took him to jobs where he felt like he was alive, like he actually mattered.

He needed that now. After everything that had happened, all he wanted was to hit the road and find a job where he could feel important again. He wouldn't admit it to Sam or Bobby but with the recent events plaguing the Winchester men, Dean was beginning to feel more and more useless as the days went on.

Sam had screwed up, that Dean would not deny, but Dean still felt as though he was the one that should rectify the mistake. That mindset had been ingrained in him from early childhood. He had always been there to clean up Sammy's mistakes and it tore him apart more and more as he slowly realized that he wasn't fixing this mistake like he should be.

They couldn't beat Lucifer and the angels were no help. Castiel was trying but he was only one man…_angel. _He couldn't do it on his own. Dean's hands gripped the wheel tighter as he realized that without Castiel, him and Sam were completely and utterly screwed.

Sam.

Dean glanced quickly to his right at his sleeping baby brother. Sam had conked out a couple hours ago and hadn't even twitched since then.

Dean didn't bother him. He needed the sleep. Sam didn't know that Dean was well aware that Sam hadn't been sleeping more than a few hours a night for about a month. Apparently the stress of the Apocalypse was wearing him thin as well.

Dean also knew that Sam hated himself more than he ever had before in his life and Dean understood. Hell, the kid was basically the reason Lucifer walked the Earth.

"_No…" _Dean shook his head. He couldn't think like that. Sam may have messed up big time but he didn't know. He was only trying to do what he was brainwashed to think was best. Sam didn't know but Dean blamed himself more than he blamed Sam. Dean was the one that pushed Sam away, the one that made him feel like he was nothing more than a monster. Dean was the one that pushed his brother closer to the edge.

Dean was falling apart. The stress was too much and he knew if he looked at Sam, talked to Sam, he would snap and take it out on his brother. He was scared and angry and when those tow combined, he took his frustration out on whoever was closest to him. Sadly, Sam was always that person. He and Sam were breaking apart from each other and Dean didn't know how to stop it.

TBC…

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